We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
