Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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