i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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