I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
