My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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