Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
