Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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