This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
