I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
