To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
