i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize