I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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