i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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