Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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