In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
