i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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