Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We just shotgunned beers for America
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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