I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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