So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
