why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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