what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
