You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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