I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Randomize