to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
