So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
