Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
