How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
