woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
