Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had to cum in my sink.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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