"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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