he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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