I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
