I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
