first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
