did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
