Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
