I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize