Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
