There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
