he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
