my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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