You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize