As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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