sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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