Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
