Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
