I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
