she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
