All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
