Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize