I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
