your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
