bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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