Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is Oprah even human
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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