I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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