So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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