so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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