I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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