I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
