i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
