just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Edward fifth and chaser hands
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
