I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
