I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
