The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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