franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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