why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
