is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
