I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
