u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
