shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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