Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
