THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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