I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
