At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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