oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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