I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
