Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
