I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
zippers are such a cool invention
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
