my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
