it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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