I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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