babies were throwing up all over the place
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
