If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
