I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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