LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
