i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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