I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
