I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
