Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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