Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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