I CAN MOONWALK!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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