I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
