wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
