I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
