I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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