I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
