You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
