Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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