how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
